This early evening (I guess it is yesterday now) I got a call from my darling daughter-in-law, who is almost 37 weeks pregnant. They were on their way home from work, and she said that Liam, my still in-utero grandson had greatly decreased activity yesterday and she “hardly felt him at all” today. She also had a little bit a spotting, but that had stopped. I told them to get to the labor and delivery intake room ASAP to be checked out, while my heart sank – knowing that decreased or no activity was a very bad sign. An hour later my son called to say “there was no heartbeat.” They are now inducing her, to give birth to her stillborn son, my stillborn grandson. My husband and I will head up there (300 miles) in the motor home early tomorrow morning. My ex-husband is with them, as is one of my best, very caring and spiritual friends, who works at a children’s hospital (my surrogate until I can get there).
My poor sweet children. What an incredible loss. That child was a real as any already born child. The hopes and dreams that will never be realized.... You never get over the loss of a child, but learn to live with it, somehow. My devastation must be put on the back burner until I can help them through the next few days, just by being there, letting them know they are loved and supported.
They need to pull together through this disaster. No blaming – there is no blame for something like this. By the time the movement stopped he was already dead. She took good care of herself, her health, always careful of what she was exposed to, what she ate, etc. There is NO BLAME for this tragedy.
I’m not religious, I don’t believe in any traditional god, but I am spiritual. Eventually I’ll write about the dream I had last night – I completely believe that Liam came to me and said goodbye. I completely believe that Liam is with his great grandmother and she is taking care of him and comforting him, and telling him stories about his father when he was young and she loved and took care of him (until her death when my son was 8).
I am devastated, we are devastated. Your kind thoughts will be appreciated.
