Long time, no write

I just haven’t been in the mood to write anything for such a long time.  Maybe I’m a little overwhelmed, maybe a little depressed, maybe a little bored with myself.  I’m not sure which, maybe all of the above to some extent.

Anything I can write about my personal struggles, with my health, with my grief, sounds so self-centered, egotistical and whining, so insignificant compared to the events happening in the world.  How can I be upset about not sleeping well?  I have an intact home with a warm bed and a warm man to share it with – when millions of people have been suddenly, painfully, wrenched from their homes, never to return because they are muddy rubble or infused with radiation, knowing their loved ones will never return, or not knowing where they are (lost in the rubble, washed out to sea??).  How can I complain about the medications I’m on and their side effects – at least I have access to my medications and adequate health care.  There could be millions going without their needed medications, and more importantly going without food and water.  How can I still be distraught about losing Liam two months ago when entire extended families may only have one person remaining to remember them – or all are gone?  The whole world is grieving, or should be.

And that’s only one part of the world.  The middle east is a mess again.  What started as a “peoples’ revolt” to achieve freedom has ended up as a civil war in another country – with the US and its allies exploding missiles on their land to support the “rebels.”  And, of course, it is so possible that in a decade or two, we will be trying to rid that very country of those very rebels because they have become brutal dictatorships.  Have we not learned anything?

So here I am, sitting at my dining room table with my laptop, looking out on a windy, dusty red rock paradise as a front blows through.  A “frozen mix” is expected later today as March blows out like a lion.  I should count my blessings.  But somehow I can’t.